Rocky Horror Psych Show
by Lestat's Violinist
Summary: Shawn and Gus follow Lassie and Unknown Female into a crazy and horrifying world where men wear corsets and fishnets and women wear pink nurse outfits.


**A/N:**_ I don't know why I had to write this. I'm not even sorry that I'm posting it, either. I hope you guys like it. Also, GO SEE ROCKY HORROR! IT'S AMAZING!_

**Disclaimer:** _I do not own _Psych_ or _Rocky Horror_. I only Own Winnie._

**Warnings:** _Swearing (the F word... a LOT) , references to sex, and sex. No descriptions of the sex though, so you're safe there._

**Summary:** _Shawn and Gus follow Lassie into a crazy and horrifying world where men wear corsets and fishnets and women wear pink nurse outfits._

* * *

><p>"Dude, you do know Lassie will <em>shoot<em> us if he catches us following him, right?" Gus said for the thousandth time. Shawn just rolled his eyes and crab walked a few feet further.

"Relax, Gus. I just wanna know where he's going dressed like _that_. Besides, he doesn't have his gun on him."

"How do you know that?"

"Because he's dressed in _that_!"

"You mean in jeans and a t-shirt?"

"_Yes_," Shawn hissed, "have you ever seen Lassie out of his work clothes if he had any choice in the matter?"

"Maybe he's on a date, Shawn. You ever think of that?" Gus said in that hoity-toity way he usually said things in.

"Gus, when was the last time you saw him date anyone in jeans?" Shawn demanded, scuttling forward a little bit more.

"Uh, never?"

"_Exactly_." With that said Gus followed Shawn without another complaint. They watched as Lassiter got into the winding line next to a young woman in a saloon girl outfit. She grinned widely, showing off a wicked pair of fangs. She said something to him and Lassiter smirked and hugged her tightly.

"Okay… So you might be right about the whole 'date' thing, Gus. But there's still something off about this. We're getting in line to see whatever this is." Without even looking at the title of the movie they were getting in live for they waited and kept their eyes on Lassiter and his nameless date.

"What about The Black Widow?" Currently, Shawn was trying to name her.

"Taken."

"Nuh-uh!"

"Iron Man, Shawn."

"Oh yeeeeah. How about-"

"The line's moving Shawn, focus."

"Got it." Lassiter and Date entered the establishment and Shawn frowned when he couldn't see them. Suddenly there was a guy in a corset and fishnet stockings smiling seductively at him with a tube of red lipstick in his hand.

"Are you a Virgin?"

"What? No."

"Yes you are. Kay, where do you want it? Chest or cheek?"

"Uh…" The guy just opened Shawn's shirt and drew a large 'V' on it and did the same with Gus before taking seven dollars from them and telling them to get their 'sweet asses' inside for the show. The two were feeling more and more scared by the second.

By the time they got into the theater and were able to sit down a woman was on stage calling out for all the virgins and virgin wannabe's to get on stage. Lassiter and Date went up there (not wearing giant V's) and grinning like morons.

"Alright, first thing! Are there any Virgins in the crowd still?" Somehow she didn't see Shawn and Gus and the boys were ever so thankful for that, " Moving on! Anyone under the age of eighteen needs to line up right here and do so quickly!" About half the people on stage rushed down the steps and lined up. The woman with the mike giggled, "Okay, now turn around, bend over, and hold still!"

The underage Virgins did so and suddenly the entire audience- minus Shawn and Gus of course- shouted at them, "FUCK!"

"You have just been fucked by the audience, now sit the fuck down!" Laughing and giggly the underage ex-Virgins sat down, still grinning.

"Gus, what is this?" Shawn whimpered, terrified at any further investigating.

"I'm scared Shawn."

"Me too, buddy. But we can do this. We can make it." With renewed resolve they continued to watch.

"Now, since there are five guys and five girls I'm going to pick four of each sex to play the panty game. Ready?" The remaining Virgins (and ex-Virgins) nodded eagerly. The woman picked everyone but Lassiter and Date. Everyone watched as the Virgins grabbed each other by the underwear and ran around the theater and back onto the stage. They, also, bet over and were 'fucked' by the audience.

"Now, you two. I have something very special planned for you two." The woman said and touched Date's arm sensually. Date just batter her eyelashes back and blew the woman a kiss, "What's your name sweetheart?" The woman said, placing the mike up to Date's lips.

"Winnie."

"What?"

Winnie."

"I can't fucking hear you!"

"WINNIE!"

"You suck so much cock! Since I can't hear here, what do you guys say we name her?" The audience cheered at that, "What do we name her?"

"SLUT!" The audience screamed.

"Alright, you are now Slut. Congrats." Then the woman moved onto Lassiter. He winked at her in a way Shawn had never seen him look at anyone but Date/Winnie/Slut, "What's your name, handsome?"

"Carlton."

"Huh?"

"Carlton."

"AGAIN BITCH!"

"CARLTON!"

"SHIT THIS MIKE SUCKS! We'll have to rename you, too!" The woman just grinned and held the mike out to the crowd.

"ASSHOLE!" They screamed, cheering as they did.

"Alright, this is Asshole, and this is Slut. So, the special treat is that Candy, over there, is an ordained minister. You two are going to get married." Date/Winnie/Slut grinned wider and held onto Lassiter's arm. Another woman, though this one was dressed in a crazy colored corset and a swanky top hat skipped onto the stage.

"We are gathered here today to bind Slut and Asshole in holy matrimony. Do you, Slut, take Asshole to be your lawfully wedded huband?"

Date/Winnie/Slut just grinned and nodded, "Fuck yeah, I do."

"Groovy, do you, Asshole, take Slut to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

"You bet your sweet ass I do!" Lassiter/Asshole crowd.

"You may now kiss the bride, bitches!" To everyone's surprise Lassiter pulled Date/Winnie/Slut towards him and kissed her passionately. The crowd cheered and whistled and gave out cat-calls until they separated. The woman in the top hat fanned herself as Lassiter and Date/Winnie/Slut took their seats.

Shawn and Gus sat in their own seats, completely baffled, "This is a date."

"Yes, yes it is." Gus confirmed.

"We just saw them get fake-married."

"How many times do you think they've done this?"

"More than once." The room darkened and a title sequence began to play, "Oh God."

"What?"

"I know what movie this is…"

"What, Gus? What movie is it?"

"The Rocky Horror Picture Show."

"Oh god…"

"LET THERE BE LIPS!"

"FUCK THE BACK ROW! THEY'RE LONERS!"

"FUCK THE FRONT ROW! THEY KISS ASS!"

"FUCK THE THIRD ROW! THEY'RE CHEAP WHORES!"

And so the shouting and screaming continued. Shawn and Gus slowly made their way out of the theater, glad to let Lassiter and Date/Winnie/Slut have their own creepy moments from now on.

Winnie snuggled in closer to Lassiter's side, "Do you think they'll say anything about it at work tomorrow?"

"I doubt it. They ran scared." Lassiter chuckled, kissing Winnie's hair, "Next time we get married it had better be for real, though."

"Agreed, Asshole."

"Good thing, too, Slut. I already got the ring." And nobody really minded when Winnie screamed and attacked her now fiancé in the far front left row. They were in the dark anyways.

"USE A CONDOM!"

"FUCK YOU!"


End file.
